I push myself to be a man of words, to be trustworthy and reliable. I set a high standard to myself, to be on time and to keep my promises. There is a saying in Chinese, “be strict to yourself and be tolerant to the others.” Lately, I have found it difficult to hang out or even, talk to the people I call friends. It frustrates me when they constantly let me down on the small things. Some might say, sure, but they will step up when it truly matters. I don’t know, it is hard to believe in that when one can’t even deliver in a smaller scale.
Trust can be easily broken but hard to rebuild. I couldn’t just trust a person who has failed me many times just by the word the person said. Words are merely words until they are backed up by actions.
I am tired from all these empty promises people make. I feel trust is the most important thing between two friends. If I can’t trust the person, I don’t know if we can still be friends.
I pray to you, Rita, to give me strength, to get over this low time of my life.
I was in Guangzhou, China, for work in the past 3 days. I knew I wouldn’t enjoy the trip but it was a great wake up call for me.
People who knows me well would know that I barely drink latte and I had 4 black coffee this trip, needless to say, it was very exhausting and I needed that much coffee to keep me going. Shower and heater weren’t quite working properly in the hotel… I was totally fooled by the look of the hotel though, definitely reminded me why I shouldn’t judge the book by its cover.
Friends asked me why I was so bugged by this trip since I enjoy traveling so much. I said “people.” I really have nothing against Chinese because I know there are great people in China. However, being there, I just feel people have so little respect for each other. Smoking in a non-smoking area, speaking loudly disregard the rest, or cutting in line to get on the train. These might be very small things but devil hides in details.
As much as I did not enjoy the trip, it served a great purpose. I showed me how lost I am and what I am doing with my life. I was reminded what I am truly passionate about and I need to start pursuing my dream again. I came up with a 3-year-plan while slowly making my way home. The goal is to enter a graduate program by Fall 2016 and in order to do that, GRE, searching for the right program all needs to be done step by step. I will do it but I can use all the help and support I can get.
It’s been several times I have witness this act in the hospital and I am personally very touched. I would like to think of it as an act of true love and every time as I witness it, I want to cry (I feel that I want to cry a lot in the past month…)
What is it? I think you are all very curious at this point. An old man singing to his wife who couldn’t even respond to him. They are both at least at the age of 85 above. He would just hold her hand and sing to her. I think she could hear it but I am not even sure. The point is, he doesn’t care if she could or couldn’t. I bet it is her favorite song… He is always there every time when I go visit my grandma. He still cares so much and loves her. I can’t really use words to describe how moved I am but only hope that I would do the same for my not-yet-existed wife in the future. If what he does is not an act of unconditional love, I don’t know what is.
Something is bugging me but it might be just my imagination or over-thinking… knowing the old me, it could very possibly be just all in my head. In case it is not, here is what I have to say about the occurrence. If you don’t want to talk to me, that’s fine, you can just tell me. I will respect that and won’t ever bug you anymore. I don’t think being treated this way is what I deserve but that’s just a part of life. I will live with it and I apologize for whatever I might have done to lead our friendship to this point. Would love to know what happened but I guess I will never know and I am ok with that. I think I got your point now…