I push myself to be a man of words, to be trustworthy and reliable. I set a high standard to myself, to be on time and to keep my promises. There is a saying in Chinese, “be strict to yourself and be tolerant to the others.” Lately, I have found it difficult to hang out or even, talk to the people I call friends. It frustrates me when they constantly let me down on the small things. Some might say, sure, but they will step up when it truly matters. I don’t know, it is hard to believe in that when one can’t even deliver in a smaller scale.
Trust can be easily broken but hard to rebuild. I couldn’t just trust a person who has failed me many times just by the word the person said. Words are merely words until they are backed up by actions.
I am tired from all these empty promises people make. I feel trust is the most important thing between two friends. If I can’t trust the person, I don’t know if we can still be friends.
I pray to you, Rita, to give me strength, to get over this low time of my life.
Since I was sick, I have withdrawn myself from the world. It was hard for me to be positive and social. On one hand, life was on a good track with job, balancing income and making it eventful; on the other hand, I was alone a lot, lost contact with many friends.
I lose track of myself, the person I want to be. It was good to realize and able to adjust that. The quote “it’s not who you are underneath, it’s what you do that defines you,” reminded me what I must do. Another March 14th passed, I pray for your blessing, Rita. Perhaps you were the one who help me to get myself together once again, as my guardian angel. Rest in peace, my friend!
As tax return gave me some money I did not think I have. I was able to purchase some new equipment to improve the joy in life. Helmet for kayaking and climbing, hammock for camping, and stoppers for climbing too.
I will write about my spring break and all other fun stuff later.