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Archive for January, 2009

A Helping Hand

One question remains from last night. Especially after my really not enjoyable class just now which I hope will improve in the next session… Could you help a person who does not wish to be help? Or even… should you help at all?

I guess the answer to the second question is easier for me. Although I really don’t think there is a right answer for this one. I think we should, or at least do our best. The result of our effort might not be great or even worse, back fired, but it was worth the shot in my opinion. It probably depends on the person as well.. complicated stuff…

Could we help? I really don’t know… I think we all have our pride and that from time to time get in the way so we refuse to get help or to be helped. I feel that I was very much like that before… Many people are willing to help but can’t because we don’t accept the fact that we need it then we push them away. Especially our friends…

I think someone said that the friends who care about you tell you things that you don’t want to hear. I guess this might be the case… We say something because we don’t want to see friends going down the same road again and we feel that we should do something about it, even if the cost is friendship. But, could we really help when people don’t want to be helped? If I have to answer it… for me, it is maybe but probably a no… it’s sad to think that way but I can’t force people do things they don’t want to. Although I will attempt even if I will get a slap in the face… At least I give it a shot… and hope for the best…



I guess one important part of life other than growing up is to discover ourselves. Things happen in life and influence us. We sometimes are unaware of the fact that we have changed over time. Not unless we think about it.

I feel that I have gotten a lot more mellow and accepting over the last two, three years. Although I love to have a plan, an overview of things. I have gotten to the point that I know things normally will not happen according the plan and I will just have to follow the flow, deal with whatever comes up. That probably has a lot to do with the experiences I had while working for Up with People. Things change constantly and is more important to find a solution and get on with it.

I am not saying having a plan is a bad thing… I think it’s actually rather important because it gives us goal and motivation. I am just saying what I have noticed about myself. I am also not saying that I am not passionate about things I do… I probably don’t express myself very obviously but I think passion is what keep us going. Sometimes you lose it from things that went off-course and it takes a while to get it back. lol… I feel that I am writing a disclaimer now stating what I am not say… I guess it’s all up to interpretation, there is no way I can cover all the possible imaginations…


Truth and Drinking…

To be honest… I am drunk now… Had quite a few beers tonight. Anyway, I tend to tell a lot more than normal when I have been drinking. Gladly I still have self-control at this moment. By that, I am just saying that I was able to stop myself from txting her. I miss her though… really do… I miss getting txt from her. Anyway, waiting for that pizza…

That’s just me…

Jake asked me why I chose to be considerate and go to another place so the person who I don’t respect gets the chance to go to my good friend’s party. I don’t know… Even though knowing that if I ever see that guy, I will punch him so hard just hope to knock some senses into him, I still don’t want to isolate him. My problem with him is between the two of us, I don’t feel that I have that right to cut him out. Feeling a little conflicted about my decision but I think it’s the right choice.

Anyway… what’s done is done…



I love good quotes… they bring encouragement and inspiration to me. Here is a good one I encountered today by William Shakespeare:

Virtue is bold, and goodness never fearful.”

It tells me that there is nothing to be afraid of when I am doing good and I should not fear doing good. Virtue takes encourage… It really does… but there is nothing we should fear from being good.


Ask and You Shall Receive

You might help a person without even knowing. Words we say, things we do, might have a greater impact that we ever expected. Someone did that for me today and it was great… I am glad that I was listening. We all should listen more because there are so much more to learn if we listen. I feel that I know what to do again…

Ask and You Shall Receive… perhaps it is because we are more willing to accept help when we ask for it or we are more aware of things around us. Whatever it is… maybe it’s the blessing from you, Rita. I will never know but it’s time…



So tired… A simple lunch with friends is so draining. I feel like I am wearing a mask, pretending to be the normal me. I am tired of feeling this way. Doing my best to distract myself from thinking… yet, maybe thinking is what I need to reach that clarity and make peace with life. I feel like a jerk in some way not talking to her… *sigh* I need that extra hand…


Give me strength, Rita… I need you to carry me through this. I am doing my best to stay in the path so please be my guidance angel once more… I just hope she is well and all. *sigh* I wish I can push myself harder…



I depend on music a lot at times like this… sometimes you just have that one song which says it all. I found that song… by one of my favorite Taiwanese artist 陶喆. The song is called "普通朋友" It’s better than just *sigh* I guess… at least it also gives me more to do…

by the way, I haven’t found a good translation for it and it’s hard to do it myself… so… yeah…




that sounds just about right..
words can’t describe…

dear friends, I don’t know how much more I will be writing here… I have a website of my own and I probably will start writing there instead.



I guess all I want to say to her today is that "All I want to do is to catch you when you fall…"

Words never came out of my mouth as I wish…



To open your heart to someone is to allow yourself to be vulnerable.
It’s like leaving the door of your room open and allow that person to
enter freely. The person can help you to make it better or worst. In
another word, you need to trust the person to open your heart… I had
my share of bad experiences of heartbroken and every time I thought
that I wouldn’t be able to trust another person again. Yet every time I
was able to get back on my feet, one way or another. Things I learned
from those experience is that self-destruct is not the way to go, there
are people who also depend on you and cares for you. Also, there are
great people out there… you just have to believe it. I am glad that I
am able to be myself again and because I know how it feels to be
heartbroken. I have no intention to let the others get hurt…

She told me yesterday that she needs more time. I believe her… I have
doubted myself and people when I was heartbroken. It really takes a lot
of time to be able to trust again especially when I see so many people
are being assholes and I feel really sad about it. I felt that she has
lost her faith because the thing happened to her and perhaps things
that she sees. I feel terrible because she doesn’t deserved to be
treated like that. Why bad things tend to happen to good people? I just
hope that she would talk to me about it face to face… whatever it

Her dream is to go Europe again for her masters and teach English in
Asia… I asked myself. Do I think it’s a great plan? Yes! Would I be
able to be there for her every steps of the way? Maybe not. Do I want
to be there to support her? Yes. I think it is something that can be
worked out between two people if they are to be together…. Anyway…

One of my best friends, Cristina… We used to talk about everything
and we care for each other, even today, she is someone I can trust.
During that time, I was in love with another girl so I had no idea she
likes me. When I finally realized how she felt and that I actually had
feeling for her, it was too late. I have a similar situation now… but
this time the girl let me know how she feels. I told her not to wait
for me because I have someone else in mind. I just hope I am not making
the same mistake again. I need to be careful… I am feeling fractural and scared at this moment…



I think I am good at messing up when things are going pretty well and all. I wish there is an alert to tell me what not to do. *sigh* I felt that I did something wrong and make her mad…

I think I need to give her some time and space… and just hope that she gets some sleep soon.